A lot of people wait — longer than they should — to seek a divorce because they somehow see divorce as a failure. If you’re in that spot, then it may help to reframe your perspective about the issue. Instead of seeing divorce as a sign that you made a mistake or somehow failed, consider divorce a chance for you (and your spouse) to get a new start on life.
Viewing your divorce as a transition point in your life instead of a sign that you failed can help you move forward.
Human relationships are constantly in flux
If you were merely dating your spouse (instead of married), you probably wouldn’t feel so guilty about ending the relationship. Most people realize that romantic attachments can change over time — and that’s reflected by the reality that people frequently change partners prior to marriage.
Think about it like this: How many people did you seriously date before you got married? Studies have found that the average number of serious relationships for men is six. For women, it’s five. And that’s before meeting the person they’ll eventually marry.
When you started any of those relationships, you felt good about it. Over time, you realized it wasn’t actually a fit and then you broke it off. This is clearly very normal from the statistics, as people tend to date quite a lot — and nobody thinks that people who are incompatible should keep dating.
Why should marriage be any different? Maybe you’ve just been married long enough to realize that this relationship isn’t a fit, either. Yes, the legal process of getting divorced is more complicated than the process of breaking up, but the emotional aspects are the same.
In short, you didn’t consider it a failure to break up with a romantic partner when you were dating and decided it wasn’t going anywhere. You just wanted to start over. It may help to look at marriage and divorce in the same light.
Understanding the process of divorce
As noted, though, the divorce process is more complicated than just ending a romance. Be sure you understand all of the options you have to protect your interests.